book that is amazing! I don’t know about you guys out there, but I have heard nothing but raving reviews on this book.
by Dr. Chapman
It touches on what should be the most obvious ways to keep the love alive in a marriage, yet they aren't obvious even to a couple with longevity! I have to admit that I hadn't even considered his points until I read his book, but they make absolute sense. I had this feeling of enlightenment throughout the book as I thought to myself, “Duh! I should know this stuff!”
Dr. Chapman talks several times over through out this book about keeping your spouse’s emotional love tank full. One part that truly resonated with me was this:
“When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and [he] feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach [his] highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and [he] feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and [he] will likely never reach [his] potential for good in the world.”
This is SO true! This is a simple truth that my mother taught to me in not so many words. She always taught me that a good man is a product of a good marriage. This is also true of a good wife. At least that is how I feel about myself.
Onto the Love Languages. I don’t want to “spoil” what this book holds in store for each of you. Just know that as you read through each of these chapters you will not only discover many new things about yourself, but you will also learn a lot about your spouse, too. Hopefully even more than you ever thought possible. Knowledge is power and if you have the knowledge of what your spouse really needs to fill his/her love tank then you have the power to change your marriage for the better.
When my cute cuz started raving about the book,
The 5 Love Languages
, I decided I should look into it.
The author, Gary Chapman, starts off by clearing up the “mystery” as to why the honeymoon phase fizzles at the beginning of marriages. He tells us: “We have been led to believe that if we are really in love, it will last forever. …..We observe that some married couples seem to have lost that feeling, but it will never happen to us. ‘Maybe they didn’t have the real thing,’ we reason. Unfortunately the eternalityof the in-love experience is fiction, not fact. …We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was – a temporary emotional high – and now pursue ‘real love’ with our spouse. ….It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another….”
He goes on to explain that everybody gives and receives love in different ways….but that it can generally be broken down into five categories: words of affirmation {compliments}, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Most people have a “front runner” love language and then a secondary one. It’s not very common that two people with the same love language end up together….THUS….you need to figure out what “strikes a chord” in your spouse so you know how to “feed his love tank”. For example, my love language is TOTALLY “words of affirmation”!! If my hot hubby tells me I look beautiful, I go weak at the knees. My husband’s love language is physical touch. COMPLETELY different, huh!
This book has SO much to offer! It’s a book you will want to refer back to again and again! I highlighted my copy like crazy…and I thought I would pass a few of my FAV quotes from the book along. Kinda a little bit of a “teaser”….are you ready?
“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.”
“When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child.”
“It isn’t enough to just be in the same room with someone. A key ingredient in giving your spouse quality time is giving them focused attention…. Recent research has indicated that the average individual listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting his own ideas.”
“What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.”
